Femme Funn Ultra Bullet Review

Femme Funn Ultra Bullet

I’ve been a Hitachi girl for the past four years. I’ve erupted more geysers than I can count and ruined two mattresses with the appropriately coined magic wand. I’ve recognized the intermittent desensitization of my clit in response to overuse several times through the years. It has two speeds. High and higher. I never could handle the max setting. About a year ago my husband gifted me a speed controller to dial back its intensity. It has sufficed since then, but its list of unappealing qualities continued to grow. It’s bulky size and weight made it difficult to position and grip while I was getting fucked. The white material is dingy and discolored, having absorbed the dye of fabrics from use through my pants or panties to dull the strength. It is unsubtle and impractical to travel with. It resides beneath my bed, disarray of cords strung across the floor to the outlet. We described it as a body massager for sore muscles when my curious, observant children discovered it two years ago. (They’re not stupid, nor could they resist the vibratory pleasantries of this fun new toy. We played hide and seek the Hitachi with them for some time. I’ll save the coming of age stories for another post.) I had put myself on restriction, stopped using it all together and reverted back to my trusty ‘ol fingers (ain’t nobody got time for that), when I was introduced to a more modern massager, the Femme Funn Ultra Bullet.

From the moment I opened the box, this vibrator has impressed. The bright colors complement the smooth velvety texture. It is 100% silicone, which makes it non-porous, easy to clean, and completely waterproof. After a few weeks experimenting with the bullet’s 20 vibration modes, I’ve uncovered the three my body responds most readily to. The lowest continuous vibration is my go-to. My most natural orgasms stem from soft, slow building sensations, with my mind doing the brunt of the work. The modest intensity of the first setting is just enough to compliment my dirty, despicable cum-inducing fantasies. The Femme Funn’s smaller size, about 4 inches, is perfectly conducive for use during penetration. It never inhibits any of the various positions I find myself in. Lightweight and comfortable to hold, my hand has yet to tire grasping the bullet. The compact size and enclosed travel pouch allow for discreet portability. I’ve tossed it in my purse for playtime during those slow nightshifts at work. Adding to the concealable features is its barely audible vibration. This advantage has salvaged orgasms and embarrassment when forgetfully leaving the door unlocked for a child to burst in amidst a clam clubbing session. My shame was spared as I was beneath the covers and instantly closed the anal rape video. He didn’t notice the humming over our short conversation, closing the door behind him. Unaware his mommy’s lady parts were buzzing with dewy delight.

The progressive technology of the Femme Funn sets it apart. It’s not only cordless, but USB chargeable, eliminating the need for batteries. The memory function provides immediate access to the most recently used vibration mode. That advantage has proven its convenience time and again. When I’m short for time and need to knock out an orgasm, I don’t have to bother clicking through settings to find the one that will undoubtedly make my pussy spasm. The well thought placement and design of the power button prevent an accidental change in vibration. We all know the frustration of nearing that glorious peak only to have it furiously ripped away by the slightest variance in tempo or pressure. FUCK!! I have to start all over!! Oh the torture!!

I miraculously recognized the Femme Funn Ultra Bullet’s flared shape mimicked that of a butt plug. Then experienced how it ramps anal play to next level bliss. I press the lubed bullet in up to its base, leaving the power button exposed for easy setting changes. It glides in smoothly and stays in place. The variety of higher vibration modes, too intense for my clit, are ideal for my asshole. When I squeeze my muscles tightly around it, the buzzing seems to radiate inside of me. Not only awakening the nerve endings encircling my sensitive, pretty butthole, but much further into the depths of my small rear cavity. I couple that sensation with two fingers caressing my clit for glorious orgasms during solo play. When I’m feeling ambidextrous I simultaneously thrust a dildo in my pussy for additional fullness. It’s quite the combination. But let me be clear. The anal bullet-dildo coalition is incomparable to the magnitude of that same anal vibration in conjunction with the dick of an eager man. On all fours, my ass in the air, plugged, humming, and tingling. The pressure of his dick invading my pussy is fiercely amplified by the vigorous pulsations of the Ultra Bullet. The force of his shaft activates a stream of heavenly vibrations through the walls of my pussy and ass. That quiver teases his sensitive tip and he dives himself in repeatedly, anxious to meet it. Reveling in the combination of having his cock sucked by a snug wet hole as strong pulsations diffuse his every inch. The sensation is magnetic, the escalation swift and effortless, an explosive finish for us both.

Real talk. Describing in detail how the Femme Funn Ultra Bullet makes my body feel motivated a wet throbbing pussy multiple times during the construction of this article. I wedged the bullet between my thin thighs, rotating my pelvis downward relentlessly. Forcing my clit to graze the divine quivers until I came. Not sure if that inhibited or accelerated my progress, but it certainly made writing a less daunting task. Hands free orgasms–I lost count at six. Not sure multi-tasking gets much better than that!

If I could possess only one sex toy, the Femme Funn Ultra Bullet would be the winner. Its versatility in function and settings, portability, USB charging capability, and overall quality earn it my highly scrutinizing badge of approval. Experience this game changer for yourself. You can thank me later. http://www.organicloven.com/#_l_28


  1. Great article on how you seek the right accessory to help you cum without obstacles. Seems like this is a cool toy being able to hide it in certain situations in plain sight so to speak. The fear we have had is the children walking in on us in the past. Happened one time, and definitely changed the mood. It would be interesting hear more about hide and seek game you played. Great blogs and love you all!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s