Living a Double Life

One of the most common discussions that I have with new couples is how nervous they are about running into someone that they know or even worse, someone that works for the same company as them. And I don’t think that changes very much as you gain experience. Over time I’ve become to feel more comfortable and worry a little bit less, but it’s still always there.

I’m fortunate enough to have a job where my extracurricular activities wouldn’t adversely affect me (as far as I know) but for people in more high profile positions, it could have a significant impact. So, I understand why some are more cautious than others. The many hats that I wear can get entangled at times. I don’t know how many times I’ve been in a professional environment and I meet someone that is super sexy that I wanted right then or maybe it’s a slightly less professional environment and their wife is crazy attractive. How do you draw the line? And how do you keep the worlds apart?  My general approach has been not to get caught up in this separation. Skulking around like I am doing something wrong, that usually feels so right, doesn’t work for me. So yes, if you’re a co-worker of mine I will totally grab your hot wife while we are in the bathroom (or coerce her to go with me) and make out so no one else can see it. I’m selfless like that :).

The truth of the matter is regardless of whether you’re in this lifestyle or not, we all lead double maybe even triple lives. We are all one person at work, and one person with our families, our friends, our husbands. The fact that my husband and I have sex doesn’t seem to have an impact on how well I do my job (unless there’s a lot of separate travel involved, and then I may be cranky). So why would the fact that I have sex with anyone else? I have a difficult time understanding people that say that what we do is WRONG. They imply that we are sinners and have poor judgement. That we are bad mothers because we are sexual beings and let other men and women touch us. That all the sex somehow makes us unfit.

I can be a good wife, aunt, mentor, professional, doggie-mamma and still choose my sexual partners at whatever frequency and amplitude I want. One doesn’t affect my ability to be proficient in the other. And it doesn’t for you either. Everyone in the world lives some type of separated life, I’m glad that I chose this to be one of my spectrums.


  1. Sara are you a parent or thinking of being one? There’s this talk of balance you and many other mention , but family.
    Life and the swinger lifestyle seem very incompatible to me. Unless one is content with having a baby sitter every night on standby.


    1. Hey J – I have 2 stepsons that are older so babysitting hasn’t been an issue for us. However I know some people that are able to balance this particular issue very well. Sometimes combining things like BBQs with their swinger friends. It all seems to work out lovely!


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